Archer’s Angels

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From: TexasArcher

To: AussieClove

Howdy, AussieClove. What’s shaking Down Under? I just got home from riding a bull at the rodeo in Lonely Hearts Station. After the events me and some of my bros decided to drink some of the wildest concoction on the planet. We ended up baying at the moon beside Barmaid’s Creek, with some crazy gals for company. You should have seen me ride that bull — if he hadn’t come back around to the left, I would have been the first brother in my family to stay on that cursed piece of cowhide, Blood-thirsty Black.

From: AussieClove
To: TexasArcher

G’day, TexasArcher. Nothing shaking here except maybe my head. My older sister, Lucy, is devastated tonight. She and her husband have learned they can probably never have children. So I threw myself into work, hoping to stay positive.

The stunt tonight involved a boat, some fire, a shark and two guys wearing what I would call thongs. I think guys should never wear swim clothes that are smaller than their…well, you know. What do cowboys wear under those Wrangler jeans?

From: TexasArcher
To: AussieClove

Man alive, AussieClove. Sorry to hear about your sister — that’s too bad. Around our ranch, we’re having a population explosion. We’ve got babies popping out all over the place. I’m never having kids. In fact, I’m never getting married. Too complicated.

One time, I was stuck in a truck with my twin brother, Ranger, and his now-wife, Hannah, and they griped at each other for days. I finally escaped, but Ranger wasn’t so lucky. He rolled down an arroyo and demanded that a medicine man marry him and Hannah because he was convinced he had to get married to live. My twin’s weird. By the way, I wear briefs and sometimes nothing. What do Aussie girls wear under their clothes? (I can tell you right now, floss-size drawers would never hold everything of mine.)